It may sound stupid…..I know…never in my wildest dreams did it ever occur to me that I would be playing this part in any mans’ life….my strict upbringing didn’t open my mind to the though of being another mans’ mistress. but, here I am…the other woman…
I am in a relationship with a man who is committed to another woman…and that woman is a friend…. I know it is wrong… but cliche’ as it sounds but though I know it is wrong it feels so right…
I want to say I’m sorry….I never meant to hurt you….
I’ve met you through him..your boyfriend, and I can understand why he choose to keep me. But, that doesn’t mean he loves you less. I know that you want to be married in 2 years time and I’m explaining to him the reason ehy you want to…you are and have become my friend through him and I understand you.
It may seem unreasonable but I do care for you too….
It just that in a way there is something in me that attracted your lover….yah, he loves you…I know that…but being with me doesn’t make him love you less
I’ve been cooped at my work for 4 months and the only thing that keeps me going is an occasional getaway from the city. There are times that I need to relax and unwind…..and good thing I met some really good people who gave unwinding a new meaning kesa sa pag a-unwind na nakasanayan ng office mates ko…here are some stress busters I recently enjoyed.
I was at the blog of Miss Ella a couple of days ago and I kept coming back to a certain blog entry she wrote… Her entry about her indecision with the man she loved (her soulmate) and the guy that is inlove with her. Reading her entry made me remember my own soulmate.
I met this guy in 1994, I was 14 (ang aga ko lumandi.) The first thing that attracted me to him was his boyish good looks, and that lone dimple on his left cheek (which by the way is just like my lone dimple on my left cheek too.) that shows up when he smiles. He looked so clean and when you see him it was like he just stepped out of the shower…he was that fresh looking.
Too bad… what I felt that time could never be… Because that Guy is my homeroom adviser and my biology teacher (sad sad sad)! Gosh! I’d study the whole day… i read the bio books that we had cover to cover…para lang mapakita ko sa kanya na intelehinte ako! I want to impress him. Then, like an answer to my only wish he chose me to be trained by him for a competition…. Heaven ang kagandahan ko…it means that I’ll be able to spend more time with him coz he would be teaching me…. kaya ayun…ang dami niyang binigay sa akin na biology books…and dahil inspired ako… I won the biologyu quiz bee sponsored by DOST, sa saya nya ng lumabas ang result he hugged me and said “your an angel my baby Vennis! (believe it or not talagang sinabi niya yun ha!)/ I was in cloud 9 then.
But some things were not just meant to be. There was a certain rapport between me and “him”, he even said I am the only one he knew na kaya tapusin ang sinasabi niya…that He feels that I can read his mind. Then one day, a couple of days before summer vacations he said “Vem mag-aral ka mabuti ha…comtinue what we started…I’m so proud of you…makining ka sa bagong magtuturo sayo ng chem…ayoko pag dalaw ko dito boba ka na sa science…he gave me a hug and said “lika libre kita sa canteen ng siopao kahit 5 poa gusto mo ako taya! wala akong ginawa, the whole time we were at the canteen i was just listening to him…listening without understanding a word of what he was saying.
When the next schoolyear started wala na siya. I was sad…then I heard from his brother that he got married to a childhood sweetheart and they moved to manila. Ang sakit!!!! Parang pinukpok ng maso ang puso ko that time. The only consolation I had then was whenever he calls his brother would come and tell me “Oi, vem sabi ni kuya kumusta ka na daw…wag ka daw babagsak at patay ka sa kanya!( ang sweet noh? hahahaha!!!) pero kinikilig nako dun. I then promised myself na as soon as kaya ko na hahanapin ko siya sa manila o kung saan man siya napadpad.
When I graduated from college I went to Manila…nalaman ko that his wife died because of kidney failure and they never had a kid. Kaya sugod ako sa Balintawak… I called him up kasi before I left hiningi ko ang number niya sa brother niya. Boy, was he shocked to see me again… then we talked, we shared laughs, abd then he said “dalaga ka na…I was right you’d be a pretty girl when your time comes.” Natouch ako.
Eventualy he went to japan to work….he helped me go there…nainlab din siya sa akin… Queber ang 12 years age difference. Basta I love him I loved him first when I was 14 and kahit 21 na ako siya pa rin ang mahal ko. The 2 years I spent w ith him was the happiest in my life. Yah, there were a lot of ups and down on both sides. My parents cant imagine that I got engaged to my teacher in high school, his family said they cant allow him to love a young kid like me. Pero he fought for me… he held on and never during those two years did he make me feel unwanted
But some things are just not meant to be. 2 months before w were set to get married he suffered a heart attack, things happened so fast… the next thing I know im sitting by his bed holding his hand begging him to be strong. He turned his face and smiled at me he said “Angel thank you for coming back into my life…You made my life happy twice. Even when I wasn’t in Yandag I was thinking of how you’d grow up to be….you are my SOULMATE, that wherever I maybe part of me will always stay with you.” I was sad but i cant bear for him to see me cry then. After a couple of days he took his last breath. I wasn’t there…I guess he never wantred me to be there when it happened.
Now its been years, I never can forget Athan. He was not just my lover,but deep inside I knew that he was my soulmate long before he realaized it. I have no regrets… yes, it was painful losing him but, its nothing compared to the happiness he gave me during those two years we were together.
I am one hard headed bitch…..I’m awful….
I’m hurting the person that keeps on loving me through thick and thin and still….he never stops…he keeps loving me more.
It was never my intention to hurt him… right from the start I only wanted to be with someone. As days went by I began to feel that he is becoming an integral part of my life. And it makes me afraid…what if he’d be like those that came before him??
I’m afraid…
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Nagising ako ng 5:00a.m., bangon, inat, mumog, hilamos…balik sa kwarto suot ng jogging pants, nagtali ng buhok, suot ng rubber shoes…labas ng bahay stretch uli at nagsimula na akong mag-jogging palibot ng subdivision. By 6:00a.m. nasa harap nko uli ng gate namin pagbukas ko ng gate takbo pasalubong sa akin c Brusco… ang tuta namin, got in, timpla ng kape habang nag-aagawan ng espasyo sa aking pandinig ang balita sa tv at ang enumeration ng nanay ko tungkol sa mga nagyari sa kanya kahapon. Same old daily early morning routine… pero February 14….
Pagkatapos ko maligo tinanggal ko sa charger ang cellphone ko… nada…ala kahit isang message man lang. kaya balik ako ng opisina ko sa bahay kinuha ang diaryo. 8:00a.m. nasa shop na ako, preparing everything kasi ngayon ako magbabayad ng bill ng kuryente at net connection, kinuha ko uli ang cellphone sa bag ko… nada…ala pa rin kahit isang heart sa screen nya.
Tahimik ang Valentines day ko… bakit? Kasi nagtatampo si Butiki sa akin. Gusto niya magdate kami ngayon…kaso sabi ko since 8:00a.m.-9:00p.m. me klase siya at me vcacant siya na pinkamahaba ang 30 minutes in between some classes…impractical na magdi-date kami. Isa pa uuwi ako ng Asuncion oara maghatid ng feeds ng baboy kasi 14 ang schedule ko kada buwan para dun. Nag-insist si Butiki… kahit daw 10:00p.m. na alng sabi ko pwede ka naman pumunta ng bahay…pero ayoko lumabas niyan…gusto ko nga sana na matulog ng maaga dahil alam kong mapapagod ako sa byahe pauwi sa probinsya lalo na at magmomotor lang ako (isasakay sa multicab ang feeds na ihahatid ko.). Pero nagtampo pa rin si Butiki….
I admit… eversince nagsimula akong manglalaki never, as in never talaga akong lumalabas pag 14 ng February. If ever I spend it with a guy, I prefer to spend it at home. Magkasama kami, manood ng movie o magvi-video games habang kumukokot ng popcorn at humihigop ng kung anong maiinom na dala niya.I find going out on the 14 to be corny… sorr, alam ko marami ang gusto ng may date sa araw ng mga puso and I respect that… pero di ako komportable lumabas pag Valentines day. Bakit? Kasi di ako mahilig makisabay sa ibang magpartners na hawak-kamay naglalakd sa kung saan-saan ako nagpupunta. Di rin ako sanay na makipagsabayan sa kanila. At di ako komportable na kahit saan ako lumingon puro lovers na naglalambingan ang nakikita ko. Parang sinisilihan ang paa ko at nangangati ako na umalis sa ganung lugar.
Hindi naman sa hindi ako malambing. Touchy-feely type nga daw ako. Pero hindi ako PDA at minsan naiirita ako sa mga nakikita kong sobrang maglampungan sa pampublikong lugar. Parang ung iba kulang na lang maghubad eh. I remember once…nung 18 pa ako… may nakita akong magkasintahan sa park February 14 yun (eh kasama ko mga barkada ko nagro-rollerskating sa skating rink ng magsaysay park) nakahiga na habang nagtutukaan walang paki sa mundo…. ah nakita na namin yung bra nung babae habang nakapasok ang kamay ng lalaki sa loob nun… nilapitan ko sila…sabay sabi “oi magrenta kayo ng kwarto oi….wala kaming plano makakita ng live show dito.” Sabay talikod sa kanila..
Isa pa talaga lang madami ako gagawin ngayon… sana man lang naintindihan yun ni Butiki. Pag di ako naghatid ng feeds sa bukid baka magutom ang mga baboy…paano na yun? magiging malnourished sila at malulugi kami… at ang image niya masisira… sasabihin ng mga estudyante niya na “Si Sir may date…oooiiiiiii…” ayoko naman ng ganun.
For me Valentines day no longer holds the meaning it used to have. Naging sobrang commercialized na ito. Last year nga lang (single po ako that time) eh nagtake-out na alng ako ng pagkain sa Jollibee dahil puno na lahat ng mesa ng mga magkaparehang walang planong tumayo kahit wala na silang pagkain sa mesa dahil naglalambingan pa sila. Mahal ang mga bulaklak kahit sa trade center… ang roses na dati 20.00 lang ang isang bugkos ay nagiging 50.oo na. At kapag nagsuot ka ng pula at mag-isa kang lalakad ay asahan mo nang may susunod sayo at sasabihing “miss available ka?”
Valentines day is special…we grew up knowing its a special day for those people that are inlove.Hindi sa KJ ako. Siguro lang iba ang pananaw ko sa araw ng mga puso. Kasi naniniwala ako na everyday should be hearts day. Butiki…. hala, sige, magpakasawa ka sa tampo mo….
My sister needs to have her passport renewed before she can submit her visa application to the Canadian Embassy. Since the personnel from the embassy said that her passport needs to be renewed because it would be expiring in less than 6 months.
My sister wanted to experience how it is to apply for a new passport without having to engage an agent. So at 3a.mm we travelled from Tagum City to Davao City DFA office thats located across Ateneo de Davao University n Jacinto St.. Kasama ako kasi ako ang ginawang driver ng maganda kong kapatid…and I am the one na sanay na sa Pag-aapply ng passport having my passport renewed in 2006.My sister was shocked to see some people camped in front of the doors of DFA. The first one in line was sleeping on a towel laid on the pavement she said she was there since 10p.m. and she’s from GenSan. at around 8a.m. grabe na ang haba ng pila. Outside the DFA office was an announcement saying they would only be entertaining 300 applicants/day, by 8:15a.m. umusad na ang pila. around 100 people were no longer able to submit their applications.
After getting her number (she was #161) she went inside the DFA office and they asked for her original passport. Gave the passport back and instructed her to come back at 1p.m. Good thing that the DFA employee that entertained her was respectful and talked to her coherently. When she got out I was waiting for her in the car munching on my burger kasi nagutom ako. Kasi ba naman I had to wake up at 2a.m. and isang tasa lang ng kape ang laman ng tiyan ko before we headed to Davao. When she got in the car sabi niya “Te an’sakit ng paa ko kakatayo.” You might be wondering bakit nakatayo…because the DFA Office in Davao City used to be inside Magsaysay park. Now it transfered to a commercial building and walang benches man lang for the applicants to sit on pag nag-aantay sila sa pila. She said “Te kawawa yung isang babae na kasunod ko…ang dami hinihingi sa kanya…eh renewal na siya…okay lang sana madaming hingin kaso rude..as in rude talaga ung matabang mama na nag entertain sa kanya.”
Okay…you might think one sided ang story na to…but I applied for my first passport in DFA Main when I was 21 which was in 2001.Pumila ako ng 3a.m. unusad ang pila 8a.m I was inline till 3 a.m only to have my application denied kasi wala pa daw 1year ang supporting documents ko.I mean hello!!!I got my SSS E-1 form less than a year before I applied for my passport.Pati ba naman picture ko sa yearbook pagdudahan ba! Insulto na yun ha…. So I came back to reapply 3x more. Only to have it denied again. I then decided to go home to Tagum and used an agent in 5 days time may passport na ako. Thats why when my sister applied for her passport in 2003 I told her to use an agent and her application went smoothly.
There are really “bastos” employees sa DFA be it in the regional offices or main office in Pasay. Sana man lang di sila umarte na kung sino. Hello it’s the peoples’ money that gives them their salaries…pero akala mo habang hinahalukay nila ang dox mo eh kung sino kang kriminal. Thanks also to those personnels na mabait at marunong umasikaso ng aplikante.
By the way since passport releases have been modified(badly) at 750 Pesos for 15 working days and 500 pesos for 21 working days matagal na bago mo makukuha ang pasaporte mo. And by the way we went to Davao City yesterday because my sister was scheduled to claim her new passport.we were alread in Davao City when they called to inform us that her passport isn’t available yet and they would just call us up when her passport is done. Tama ba yun? We payed for it na…even having to fall in line for 6 hours just to have her passport renewed, tapos delayed ang passport release…talking about good government service.
1997 kami last nagkita ng taong ‘to. Barkada kami sa loob ng isang taon na pag-aaral ng engineering sa AMACC noon. Engineering section A pa kami nung first sem hanggang 2nd sem at dahil magka height at parehong galing sa probinsyamadali kaming naging barkada. Pareho kaming kuripot. At pareho ring di mayaman. Kaya madalas kaming kumakain lang ng mami pag lunch break…mami lang para wala ng malakingbabayaran at madali pa siyang iorder at kainin sa tulad naming 30 minutes lang ang break sa tanghali.
Since madalas kaming magkasama dati nadevelop ako sa kanya. Kami pa nga ang dance partner sa dance troupe an sinalihan namin at lalo naman akong inspired na sumayaw kasi siya ang kapartner ko. Akala ko rin type nya ako…pero mali ako…si Pia pala ang gusto niya…ang sakit…pero smile pa rin ang kagandahan ko. Im a master when it comes to hiding my real feelings ika nga.
Until umalis ako ng AMA. Nakagraduate from a technical course, nagtrabaho, nag-aral ulit. And now eto ns ako….
Fast forward 2007 nagkita kami ni Lyndon sa friendster. Nag Korea pala siya. Palitan ng messages…telephon at cp numbers…YM. Then umuwi siya ng Pinas.
February 5, 2008 nagkita kami. Nagtext siya na nandito siya saTagum and can we meet. Nagkita kami sa Old Cathedral. Walang nagbago sa kanya.Siya pa rin ang Lyndon na nakilala at nainlaban ko noong kabataan ko. But promise…napatunganga siya when he saw me. An in nakanganga talaga siya…. Bakit? Ang laki na daw kasi ng pinagbago ko. Mahaba na ang brown hair ko na dati baby-china ang style at sobrang itim pa. Slim na daw ako…dati kasi medyo chubby ako… Mas Pumuti ako…dati kasi mahilig ako magbilad sa araw kaya morena ang dating ko. At higit sa lahat babaeng-babae na daw ako… I admit madami talaga ang nag-aakalang tomboy ako dati kasi brusko ako kumilos.
We went out…kwentuhang walang tigil… Suddenly he said… “Alam mo vem alam ko crush mo ko noon eh….” and he smiled at me. “Ya,I know alam mo gusto kita noon…pero si Pia ang gusto mo eh” sagot ko naman.
“Gusto kita pero nakakatakot mainlab sayo gaga!””Dami tayo classmates me gusto sayo…isa pa sa kilos mo mas lalaki ka pa noon kesa akin”, natatawa niyang sabi. Napatanga ako. Ididn’t know me iba pala na me crush sa akin noon…and lalong di ko inaasahan na gusto niyaako that time.
Then out of the blue he bent down his head and kissed me… A full French kiss on the lips… then the kiss ended. “Thank you for letting me kiss you Vem…I dreamt i ever since we were 17, and now nagawa ko rin. Napatanga lang ako… I admit I responded to that kiss. I kissed him back and I know mali kasi may boyfriend na ako. And I know He is already married.
But it was just a kiss…. a kiss, and nothing more.
I’m not an education related course graduate…. Management ang natapos ko… But, I ended up teaching sa isang newly opened na technical school. Kaloka… When I graduated from my first course (computer programming ng sinaunang panahon….) my alma mater hired me…or is the term “absorbed” more appropriate? sa school kasi namin din ako nag practicum. I got to teach Dbase, Foxbase and Pascal. Since it was a technical school na mas mura kesa iba madaming nag-aral dun na older than me…so you can just imagine me having students that are 25 years and above….i even have a student thats 42 years old and I was 18 then. But it was a wonderful experience though. I left teaching after a year to seek greener pastures kuno.
When I came back I got hired to work for an oil company. I was able to study business management at night. When i graduated I decided to put up my own small biz… since me background ako kahit paano sa computers computer related ang naging negosyo ko. Then I met my bf… online kami nagkakilala… he was graduating then. Eventually umuwi siya dito and one of his old teachers nung nag-aral siya ng technical course contacted him and hired him to teach sa bagong bukas na school nila. may mga kulang na instructors pa sila and when I got there para hatiran ng lunch ang bf ko the school director saw me…he asked my bf about my background and called me up setting an appointment. When I got there he asked me, “Would you like to teach?” kahit medyo naabigla nagawa ko pa ring ngumiti at magtanong…”I’m not an Education grad Sir and I don’t think I can teach programming to your students since the programs that I knew before are no longr usable now…(haller wala na yatang gumagamit ng lutos123, Wordstar at Turbo Basic ngayon!)
Imagine my reaction noong sabihin niyang can you teach Personality Development and Argumentation and Oral Defense? Hmmm…..got to know bakit yun ang subjects na naisip niyang ibigay sa akin….
He said I look good…I carry myself well and he called up my old school and was told that I was one of the top students during my time…( grabeng build-up ginawa ni Mrs. Hebron sa akin!!!).
“I don’t have any background on those subjects sir…” Eto ang sagot ko… but the director said that they will give me free rein on my teaching they will only provide me the required textbook as my reference. (Naisip ko ganun na ba ako kagaling para i-hire nila ng ganun-ganun lang???) But, I still gave it a shot…I accepted it.And for almost a year now I have no regrets….
Teaching Personality Development may sound easy… but believe, me it’s not. Imagine meeting new people at the age of 16 to 22 …. lalo na ang girls…these women…girls…female students already have their own personalities…and you can no longer mold them… all you can do is guide them…bend them a little(that is if they yeild to your bending…)
But I’m happy to say that during the last lerm….my students accepted me… I’m not the usual teacher-who-writes-on-the-board-type, I prefer informal discussions….minsan pa nga nagdedebate ang mga estudyante ko regarding their ideas on personalities,how to carry themselves,clothing,and even make-up, I can say my students evolved…in their own pace. They improved…
My students earned the approval from the School administration and Board of directors during the recent evaluation that was held yesterday afternoon. They now have better confidence on carrying themselves. They are more confident talking to other people… and there’s something about them that I can’t find the words to describe… And what the BOD and School Admin saw was reflected to me. They said I did my job well and that they want me to stay on next semester.
The term just ended. Next monday I’ll be teaching them Argumentation and oral defense. I hope I can surpass what I did with my PerDev students. And I hope that what they have learned during the past term with me would always be with them.
“Thank You Miss”….those were my students words that will always warm my heart…
Now I believe that there is a certain satisfaction when you teach…I may not be able to mold them but I was able to help them bloom… and bloom beautifully they did.
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