Soulmate

I was at the blog of Miss Ella a couple of days ago and  I kept coming back to a certain blog entry she wrote… Her entry about her indecision with the man she loved (her soulmate) and the guy that is inlove with her. Reading her entry made me remember my own soulmate.

I met this guy in 1994, I was 14 (ang aga ko lumandi.) The first thing that attracted me to him was his boyish good looks, and that lone dimple on his left cheek (which by the way is just like my lone dimple on my left cheek too.) that shows up when he smiles. He looked so clean and when you see him it was like he just stepped out of the shower…he was that fresh looking.

Too bad… what I felt that time could never be… Because that Guy is my homeroom adviser and my biology teacher (sad sad sad)! Gosh! I’d study the whole day… i read the bio books that we had cover to cover…para lang mapakita ko sa kanya na intelehinte ako! I want to impress him. Then, like an answer to my only wish he chose me to be trained by him for a competition…. Heaven ang kagandahan ko…it means that I’ll be able to spend more time with him coz he would be teaching me…. kaya ayun…ang dami niyang binigay sa akin na biology books…and dahil inspired ako… I won the biologyu quiz bee sponsored by DOST,  sa saya nya ng lumabas ang result he hugged me and said “your an angel my baby Vennis! (believe it or not talagang sinabi niya yun ha!)/ I was in cloud 9 then.

But some things were not just meant to be. There was a certain rapport between me and “him”, he even said I am the only one he knew na kaya tapusin ang sinasabi niya…that He feels that I can read his mind. Then one day, a couple of days before summer vacations he said “Vem mag-aral ka mabuti ha…comtinue what we started…I’m so proud of you…makining ka sa bagong magtuturo sayo ng chem…ayoko pag dalaw ko dito boba ka na sa science…he gave me a hug and said “lika libre kita sa canteen ng siopao kahit 5 poa gusto mo ako taya! wala akong ginawa, the whole time we were at the canteen i was just listening to him…listening without understanding a word of what he was saying.

When the next schoolyear started wala na siya. I was sad…then I heard from his brother that he got married to a childhood sweetheart and they moved to manila. Ang sakit!!!! Parang pinukpok ng maso ang puso ko that time. The only consolation I had then was whenever he calls his brother would come and tell me “Oi, vem sabi ni kuya kumusta ka na daw…wag ka daw babagsak at patay ka sa kanya!( ang sweet noh? hahahaha!!!) pero kinikilig nako dun.  I then promised myself na as soon as kaya ko na hahanapin ko siya sa manila o kung saan man siya napadpad.

When I graduated from college I went to Manila…nalaman ko that his wife died because of kidney failure and they never had a kid. Kaya sugod ako sa Balintawak… I called him up kasi before I left hiningi ko ang number niya sa brother niya. Boy, was he shocked to see me again… then we talked, we shared laughs, abd then he said “dalaga ka na…I was right you’d be a pretty girl when your time comes.” Natouch ako.

Eventualy he went to japan to work….he helped me go there…nainlab din siya sa akin… Queber ang 12 years age difference. Basta I love him I loved him first when I was 14 and kahit 21 na ako siya pa rin ang mahal ko. The 2 years I spent w ith him was the happiest in my life. Yah, there were a lot of ups and down on both sides. My parents cant imagine that I got engaged to my teacher in high school, his family said they cant allow him to love a young kid like me. Pero he fought for me… he held on and never during those two years did he make me feel unwanted

But some things are just not meant to be. 2 months before w were set to get married he suffered a heart attack, things happened so fast… the next thing I know im sitting by his bed holding his hand begging him to be strong.  He turned his face and smiled at me he said “Angel thank you for coming back into my life…You made my life happy twice. Even when I wasn’t in Yandag I was thinking of how you’d grow up to be….you are my SOULMATE, that wherever I maybe part of me will always stay with you.” I was sad but i cant bear for him to see me cry then. After a couple of days he took his last breath. I wasn’t there…I guess he never wantred me to be there when it happened.

Now its been years, I never can forget Athan. He was not just my lover,but deep inside I knew that he was my soulmate long before he realaized it. I have no regrets… yes, it was painful losing him but, its nothing compared to the happiness he gave me during those two years we were together.

The First Love

Do you still remember the first person you ever loved? The person that made your heartbeat race, made your cheeks blush? The person that affected you the most for the first time in your life…the mere voice, action, even the little gestures that fascinated you then…they were all all part and parcel of that person.

I still remember mine….it had been years…yes…years…

They said you can never forget the first one you ever loved… your first love…

I met him when I was still quite young…. A tall, lanky fellow with a shy smile and few words…. for someone as talkative as I am he’s a refreshing whiff of fresh air… I don’t know…maybe I was young and stupid then, but the experience I had then of loving that person is something that got embedded deep within my heart.

The relationship that blossomed between me and him was beautiful… innocent… maybe because we were young…but it wasn’t smooth at all….there were rocky moments… until we parted ways..

Years passed, I still see him once in a while, we talk, sometime we talk about getting together again… but things changed. We both still feel something special for each other, but it seems that having a relationship again is out of the question, I hopped from one relationship to another, same with him….

The last time we talked was a couple of months ago… it may sound crappy, but we did talk it over, we talked about a relationship that existed half a lifetime ago. Yes, we’re no longer the same person we were then…. but the memory of the love we had way back the….our first love  still do exist within us, we both know that there’s no way it can ever ever be rekindled. We still treasure the moments we shared then, the first hug, the first kiss, the first I LOVE YOU’s… the first date we spent  under the mahogany tree sitting by the bermuda grass, his arms around me and my head on his chest, listening to each others’ heartbeat. Wordless, yet so meaningful then, knowing that we have to savor every second because having a relationship at such a young age is against our parents’ orders…. oh… the innocence of it all…..

Maybe thats what made our first love hard to forget… maybe hat is why even if years had passed, both of us still hold a certain tenderness for what we had shared then, the first love we had was so beautiful, so pure, that even if years had passed it didn’t vanish from our memories…

Until now, whenever he and I see each other we still hold a certain fondness for each other, we still talk… maybe its because we never had a fight when we separated (we didn’t break-up, I had to leave and we just sort of just moved on from the relationship.). He is now one of my most treasured friends, though we don’t often see each other, I know he’s always there when I need him….