Vennisjean’s Weblog

December 22, 2007

The First Love

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — vennisjean @ 9:11 pm

Do you still remember the first person you ever loved? The person that made your heartbeat race, made your cheeks blush? The person that affected you the most for the first time in your life…the mere voice, action, even the little gestures that fascinated you then…they were all all part and parcel of that person.

I still remember mine….it had been years…yes…years…

They said you can never forget the first one you ever loved… your first love…

I met him when I was still quite young…. A tall, lanky fellow with a shy smile and few words…. for someone as talkative as I am he’s a refreshing whiff of fresh air… I don’t know…maybe I was young and stupid then, but the experience I had then of loving that person is something that got embedded deep within my heart.

The relationship that blossomed between me and him was beautiful… innocent… maybe because we were young…but it wasn’t smooth at all….there were rocky moments… until we parted ways..

Years passed, I still see him once in a while, we talk, sometime we talk about getting together again… but things changed. We both still feel something special for each other, but it seems that having a relationship again is out of the question, I hopped from one relationship to another, same with him….

The last time we talked was a couple of months ago… it may sound crappy, but we did talk it over, we talked about a relationship that existed half a lifetime ago. Yes, we’re no longer the same person we were then…. but the memory of the love we had way back the….our first love  still do exist within us, we both know that there’s no way it can ever ever be rekindled. We still treasure the moments we shared then, the first hug, the first kiss, the first I LOVE YOU’s… the first date we spent  under the mahogany tree sitting by the bermuda grass, his arms around me and my head on his chest, listening to each others’ heartbeat. Wordless, yet so meaningful then, knowing that we have to savor every second because having a relationship at such a young age is against our parents’ orders…. oh… the innocence of it all…..

Maybe thats what made our first love hard to forget… maybe hat is why even if years had passed, both of us still hold a certain tenderness for what we had shared then, the first love we had was so beautiful, so pure, that even if years had passed it didn’t vanish from our memories…

Until now, whenever he and I see each other we still hold a certain fondness for each other, we still talk… maybe its because we never had a fight when we separated (we didn’t break-up, I had to leave and we just sort of just moved on from the relationship.). He is now one of my most treasured friends, though we don’t often see each other, I know he’s always there when I need him….

December 21, 2007

Resilience

Filed under: Uncategorized — vennisjean @ 10:17 am

My sister told me I have the “gift of goodbye”. Looking confused, she explained to me that whenever I change places or whenever people come and go out of my life it is easy for me to let go. I may look fine when it’s happening but the truth is I just kept myself busy or preoccupied with thoughts that would motivate me to go on with my life. So, it’s not like I confronted it with no hurt and loss felt but rather I tried avoiding them. I guess I’m just not brave enough. After sometime, I figured out that to help us recover from pain, we just have to listen and to believe in ourselves. We should believe that having mindset and emotional stability would prepare us from any unexpected and unwanted circumstances. With strong disposition and an open mind, we might understand and agree that life is fair after all and all the challenges that we have is there to spice up our lives and that serve as instruments to lead us achieve the essence of our very being. To some point though a weak part of us will be hit and that it is inevitable to remember what we have been trying to forget. And we will be in a phase where we want to be back in our old world interacting with people we missed so much and does not want to be awakened from our delusion. I was on tenterhooks when I experienced this. That time I was newly assigned to work on a different building where I was the only one Filipino. There’s not much work to do so I hooked up myself watching very sad Asian drama series in youtube which by the way just worsen my condition. I never talk to my other colleagues unless it’s work-related. Even at home I felt so down as if the gravity intervenes pulling me towards the innermost core of the earth. It took me two weeks till I was okay. That was when I became so busy at work and when I was back going out during my rest days. So, the logic of why people hold on to a particular emotion like sadness and loneliness does not only occur because of the happening of certain events. I think it is also because how our mind works or what we want to believe in or basically because we’ve got nothing to do. It could also be that there’s nothing much to worry about but we just chose to feel sadness or to isolate ourselves from the “happy” world. According to human philosophy, human beings, subconsciously, like to be rejected sometimes. That is why there are more persons who want to love unrequited rather than be loved by someone they’re not in love with. Well, I would say I’d pray we all be blessed with courage and strength to deserve mutual love and to survive in the coming of trials in our lives.

December 10, 2007

Old Friend

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — vennisjean @ 9:46 am

Yesterday I checked my friendster…uploaded some pictures and checked who viewed me.

Tapos may new message ako….and that message came fdrom Amy…one of my closest freinds from way back in Surigao. 10 years….10 long years of not seeing her and hearing anything from her…well, it’s not her fault…lagalag lang talaga ako….at mahirap hanapin….(salamat sa friendster at ngayon di na ako gaanong mahirap hagilapin). She gave me her number and then I texted her…ayun, that night nagkita kami sa McDonalds…yun kasi pinakamalapit sa shop ko na pwede tambayan…

Parang walang nagbago….pagkakita nya sa akin sa loob ng Mcdo parang bumalik kami ng high school…..tili talaga!!!We hug and para pang naiiyak si amy na nakita ako uli…emotional kasisiAmy di gaya ko na baliw…

Ang dami na palang nangyari sa kanya within the 10 years na di kami nagkita.. ang dami na naming pinagdaanan na we never thought and dreamed mararanasan namin 10 years ago.. Who would have thought daw na ganito na ako ngayon…gosh way back in high school sabi niya para akong barumbado…boyish at astig sa school… pero ngayon babae na daw ako!!! Sabi ko na alng loka kung di ako magmumukhang babae sayang ang bayad ko sa sex change!!!hahahahaha!!! Naging joke na kasi namin dati na lalaki talaga ako…

From 6pm until 12 midnight…usapang walang tigil. We ordered chicken meal…nang naubos fries at burgers naman ang pinagtripan namin….tapos fries uli…hehehe…pareho kaming medyo payat ni amy kaya pinagtitinginan na kami ng mga tao sa fastfood…nagtataka siguro saan namin nilalagay ang kinain namin. Pero di namin talaga napansin na ang dami na naming kinain…kasi we were so absorbed with our conversations…parang naglaho ang sampung taon na di kami nagkita…we are still the same old Vennis and Amy….close friends…closer than sisters..

December 7, 2007

Hectic

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — vennisjean @ 10:47 am

The past couple of weeks have been very good to me….I’ve never been that busy before..

November 20 was our examination…so a couple of days before that was spent on reviewing my  students, giving requirements, submitting the questionnaire  and having it printed.

November 21-23 was spent at the grocery and palengke kasi fiesta sa amin sa November 25. Kaya ang sweldo naubos sa pamimili….but it was fun…nakakatuwa pala makipagsiksikan sa grovery para bumili ng mga kailangan namin. But I liked the palengke better…. oo nga me amoy sa palengke but with the “Tabo” here everything was so cheap! At least walang pila sa palengke just to pay for what you’ve bought… I also realized na dapat pag nasa taboan ako dapat ang dala ko puro barya and if possible wag magbabayad ng P100.oo na buo para di sila mahirapan sa pagsukli sayo…. wag din magsusuot ng sobrang iksi o sexy kasi baka mabastos ka lang….pero wag din losyang…hahahaha…basta nakakatuwa pala talaga mamalengke.

November 25, fiesta….madaming bisita ang  mother at father ko…pero dumating din yung mga nakilala ko sa IRC Chat…sa tagal namin nagkakilala online at sa di ko pagsipot sa mga EB nila dinayo pa talaga nila ako…and malayo ang Davao City sa Tagum. I was so happy to meet them at last.

December na…ang bilis ng araw…. naghahanda nko ng ipapamigay ko sa pasko…di pa ko nakakapamili regalo ko sa family ko…pero ok lang nyon….before matapos ang susunod na linggo mamimili nko… for now I’m spending almost 70% of my free time trying to test yong mga cookies and candy  recipes na naipon ko…plano ko kasi mamigay ng ganun sa mga kaibigan ko…. di kasi ako marunong mamili ng regalo sa mga kakilala ko…kaya magluluto na lang ako.

Medyo busy din sa school, December 22 kasi ang christmas party and as usaul kahit technical school sya may mga pacontest and admin namin…may christmas party pa ang faculty… may belen contest, classroom christmas decorating contest,christmas tree contest…buti na lang at ok ang creative juices ng mga estudyante ko….with minimum supervision maganda ang resulta ng pinaghirapan nila…

For now I’m happy….malapit na ang pasko…may bonus pa…hahahahaha….basta masaya ako this christmas…. and I hope everyone would also be having a fun and lovely christmas…kahit 2 weeks pa bibilangin natin para magpasko….

BTW…. 5th birthday pala ng pamangjin kong si Chris….nangungulit gawa ko daw cya ng birthday cake kasi sa December 14 ang birthday niya…di ako makakauwi ng probinsya namin (which is only an hour and a half by bus pero kaya kong kunin yun ng 30 minutes pag nagmomotor ako) kaya ang Mama at papa ko magdadala nun…..sana padalhan ako ng malutong na balat ng lechon…(may piggery kasi sila!) .

Love you all….and keep smiling!!!!

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