Vennisjean’s Weblog

October 22, 2007

F-ugly Duckling

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — vennisjean @ 10:07 am

PANGIT!

That is the first word na nadinig ko mula sa mga kamag-anak naming tsismosa sa probinsya ng nanay ko. And that word is so horrible to bear at the age of 10.

I’m not beautiful when I was a kid, baby-china ang buhok kong maitim na unat, may bangs pa na halos takpan ang kalahati ng pagmumukha ko. Maliit ako, maputi na maputla (kasi naman anaemic ako), payatot, malaki ang bilugang mata ko at makapal ang labi, ang dami ko pang peklat sa legs ko.

I may not be beautiful like my younger sister (majorette kasi siya since elementary hanggang high school)…so I had to make up with my looks using my brains. Hala since pangit ako noong panahong ‘yun kaya sa bahay at library ako nagbababad…ayoko makipaglaro sa ibang bata kasi kapag natatalo ko sila sisigawan lang nila akong pangit and that hurts a lot.

I left my moms’ province when I was in High school, nakakuha kasi ako ng scholarsip sa Surigao noon. In Surigao I learned that I am kinda pretty naman pala. Kinuha akong maging CAT Sponsor (mataas pa ang rank ko!), I joined quiz bees and even a few beauty contests…my friends and even my schoolmates would often admire my fair complexion na kahit ilang oras ako magbabad sa init ng araw kakaligo sa dagat hindi ako nangingitim…namumula lang ako.. I follewed what my friends said about letting my hair grow long so I can style it better. I even had a few suitors. So, naisip ko di pala ako pangit. Then I went to college in Davao City, where I joined the Teatro and even played some lead roles for our productions…My time in Surigao and Davao built my self-esteem and eventually naintindihan ko ang dahilan ng masasakit na salita ng mga kamag-anak ko sa side ni mama ko.

I went hone to Sagayen last October 7, fiesta kasi dun and nangungulit ang lola at mga kapatid ni mama na umuwi kami dun. Iniisip ko pa kung tama nga bang umuwi ako…but, ano ba ang mawawala sa akin pag umuwi ako?wala naman diba? Nahuli akong dumating kina mama kasi na-flat ang gulong ng motor ko,kailangan ko munang magpa-vulcanize ng gulong.

Pagdating ko sa bahay ng lola ko,nandun ang mga pinsan ni mama na walang ginawa kundi mag-chismis mula pa pagkabata ko,tumigil sila lahat at tiningnan ako…hehehe nakatago kasi ang mukha ko sa helmet ko,nakajacket ako ng makapal kasi sobrang init at alikabok papunta sa Sagayen. Pagtanggal ko ng helmet ko napatanga sila. Pero dinaanan ko lang sila,di ko pinansin,derecho ako sa loob ng bahay. “Kagwapa ba sa akong apo!” (Ang ganda ng apo ko!) Yan ang bungad ni lola sa akin…hehehehe,gumanda din pala ako, sa wakas.

My Tita (sister ng Mama ko) said to me nung umalis na ang mga tsismosa that afternoon “Vem ‘wag mo pansinin sila Loida, kaya ganun sila kasi insecure sila sa inyo lalo na sa iyo, mga bobo kasi mga anak nila, lalo na nung nag-aral ka ng college lalo silang nainsecure sayo…ganun ang mga taong mahilig mainggit sisiraan ka para ka bumagsak.”

Well…sorry for them… ang pangit noon gumanda daw ngayon… mabuti na lang I didn’t let them destroy me.

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4 Comments »

  1. let go all your bad memories,in one way or another those experiences made you a strong person, had it not happened you might not work hard in order to surpass the pain. Congratulate yourself you made the right thing. Take care always

    Comment by rougemaxi — October 24, 2007 @ 7:37 am

  2. pretty and brainy? u rock sister \m/

    hope u got past all that taunts okay. 🙂

    Comment by cathy pablico — October 24, 2007 @ 5:29 pm

  3. rougemaxi & cathy :yup…I’m ok now masaya lang minsan na inggitin ko mga tita ko!!!hahahaha…bad,bad Vennis!

    Comment by vennisjean — October 25, 2007 @ 2:43 pm

  4. Haha. I still have those unfortunately. Its hard being in the province in a way because its usual to find jealous and insecure relatives. I’ve learned not to mind them anymore. Even if they keep saying rude and uncalled for remarks and gossips, I keep my cool because they just shoot their own foot when they talk bad about me, di ba? Kasi if I’m as bad as what they tell the whole town, they can’t be that better than me since they talk behind my back even if I’m doing nothing to them. 🙂

    Comment by Nika Catbagan — October 28, 2007 @ 12:33 am


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